This was a super fragilistic soggyalidocious visit to Mr P's back garden. It took a little while for Mr P to get things sorted so he was happy for Kash and Harvey to crack on in the garden. It took most time to find those red secateurs, well, Kash found them near the end of the session. But, no worries, they'll come in handy next time!

There was ivy clearing to do so that Mr P's favourite trees could be seen again, and a new compost bin to construct for the cuttings. He's looking to create a peace garden as he says there are too many wars in the world, and what can an individual do? Can't argue with that.

Skirting Ealing’s lower borders, the Grand Union Canal leisurely bends this way and that – like a discarded piece of Brit-boiled spaghetti, perhaps, or a generous dollop of blueberry jam dribbled onto the edge of a green Ealing-sized, Ealing-shaped plate. For sure, it’ll eventually deliver its watery wares to the Thames, but it’s got no deadline and it knows it. However, as it glides blithely past Hanwell, it passes a series of orchards where things are more urgent. The space was reclaimed from its gritty industrial aftermath in 2017 and is now used to grow fruit trees, an initiative started by Hanwell and Norwood Green Orchard Trail (HANGOT, and no, we can’t think how to get the ‘U’ in there either). But the trees grew a little too enthusiastically last year, threatening the local ecosphere with something of a hug of death. They need cutting back, and the soil’s nutrients could use a boost. So HANGOT teamed up with GoodGym’s Ealing division to make that happen.

Lead by Sevan, GoodGym offered help in the form of twelve keen folks (“A raker’s dozen”, Sevan quipped), each keen to grab a shovel, a wheelbarrow, secateurs or, indeed, a rake. Steph and Harvey were amongst a group focused on defibrillating the soil back into life with shovels and a pile of mulch the size of a small hill. “This is beautiful mulch. The things that GoodGym teaches you…” mentioned Harvey, just in case you assumed mulch was anything other than oversized soggy wooden breakfast cereal. The pile was distributed and the trees were grateful for it.

Time for surgery via secateurs. While Team Mulch were busy wheelbarrowing their chunks of Soggy Brown Wet, Max and Sevan assisted the HANGOT volunteers busy chewing away the tree’s overgrown branches. (Though with shears, not teeth. HANGOT has no giraffes on their team…yet.) Both, however, were mindful of the brutally impressive two inch thorns that hedgehogged off the branches. “Whoever said ‘Nature is kind’ never had to deal with it repeatedly stabbing you in the hand”, Max murmured. (Sevan offered him a pair of spare protective gloves, and all was well.) The resulting bundles were piled into wheelbarrows and moved to areas that West London fauna consider impressive real estate. With the area cleared and primed for a fresh fruit crop destined for the Nutri-bullets of health-conscious locals, we moved onto the piggeries.

Spoiler: there were no pigs. Or a wolf. Or houses built from straw or brick, though there were plenty of sticks had any construction-inclined swines been available. In truth, it was more of the same here – but towards the west end of the enclosure, the overgrowth took on an almost jungle-like tone. So as we continued our operation (Mulch, mulch, mulch. Dig, dig, dig. Thorn, in, hand, ow.) we moved all the chopped-off wooden goodness to this natural biodiversity sanctum. And in the mild sun of a pleasantly warm February, it felt positively glorious.

With the work wrapped up, we went on our way to a local coffee shop at a gentle walking pace not unlike that of the Grand Union Canal itself. “We couldn’t have done it without you,” assured HANGOT volunteer Magda. Which gave us a final reason why doing good really can feel it, too.

A magic carpet job was not what Kash and Sevan expected when arriving at Ms C's for her now weekly mission. There was a roll of carpet in the bedroom that Ms C wanted on her living room floor to keep the room warmer. The problem was that the living room floor was covered with her belongings (yet to be decluttered), so it would need an impressive magic trick to get the carpet down. Together, they decided that it wasn't a realistic task to complete, so they moved on to other things.

For Ms C's second priority, Kash was banished to squeeze items that Ms C wanted to keep into the storage cupboards in the kitchen, or maybe it was a black hole as it kept gobbling up more and items. More than it should be able to hold. Kash spent much effort trying to convince Ms C to give things away that she shouldn't need.

"What's that?" Ms C
"That's a dart board" - Kash
"Do you play darts?" - Ms C
"I used to have a board"
"Do you play darts?" - Kash
"No. I just liked the look of it at the time" - Ms C
"Maybe you can donate it to the charity shop?" - Kash
"No, I want to give it to someone who really loves it." - Ms C

...and so it too went into the black hole. Maybe in the future Ms C will find a darts player who doesn't have their own board and it'll find its true home. Other exotic and unusual items made their way to the cupoboard, including a tortoise shaped lamp, a 1.5m long fake snake and Ms C's Halloween mask collection 👹.

As organising the cupboard was a 1 person job, Sevan worked nearby to fix Ms C's heated airer. It had been put together badly, so couldn't be unfolded. After a bit of cursing at Black and Decker's product design that made no sense to Sevan, he managed to get it into a usable state, then went on a grocery dash to the corner shop at the end of the road.

As Kash struggled to get the black hole to consume any more of Ms C's things, Ms C confessed.

"I'm a hoarder, but when I have that extra [storage] space outside, you won't think so." - Ms C

Sevan wasn't sure that having more storage space would necessarily help with that. Kash tried to explain the benefits of minimalism with limited success.

"When you're finished with me, I'll be a minimalist too" - Ms C
"It's like an addiction. You need to want to become a minimalist" - Sevan
"Oh, yes. I'm really quiet a neat person" - Ms C

There was something different to round off the mission. Ms C's garden was the location of Kash and Sevan's first mission together and the went to the garden again to feed the local birds. Sevan filled a cage with fat balls and Kash filled a dish with dried grub worms, making Ms C and the local avian population very happy.

After a short break from the constant downpur on Saturday, the havy rain was back on Sunday morning, bringing plenty of puddles and mud to Pitshanger junior parkrun course. The weather wasn't without impact on the turnout as only 30 young runners showed up and completed the course despite miserable conditions - well done to all of them!

Among three GoodGymers who helped out at the event, was Maria, who came prepared with an umbrella, with which she famously ran to the marshal post number 3. Sevan was guarding the marshal position number 1 and witnessed karma in action when one of top three runners decided to cut the corner and slid on the muddy patch. Kash came into the most contact with the puddles, running the course with the children as the tail walker.

Maria, apart from being an umbrella runner, came to fame, donning the 50 good deeds rosette and the Wonder Woman headband, and bringing her usual upbeat self to the otherwise gloomy day. Well done Maria - onto the next 50 good deeds!

Arrived at Mrs I before my mission as I was there for a social visit beforehand - strange enough I have already been here to help her and her husband with the front and back garden, so familiar faces. Mrs I spent a lot of time trying to warn me about the amount of stuff that we will need go through. Most of the items are religious items and will be given to the church that she goes too and then they will be sent to other places. Cleared a path so that we can go around the conservatory. Noticed some paperwork and we said that we will put these aside for Mrs I to check if needed or not and also maybe in the next sessions we will find her missing marriage certificate that she cannot find anymore. She wants to empty the conservatory completely so this means baby steps as a lot to declutter and clear out. Small progress but you can get around the conservatory and open/close the door that goes to the lounge.

A typically entertaining chat with Mr G in my first visit to him for several weeks. In my absence, his shopping list has evolved somewhat as he has tried to replace some of his regular ready meals with healthier alternatives. As he was already well stocked with some of the heavier items, the bags felt much lighter than usual this week.

One newcomer to the list had me searching up and down the store for quite a while before I finally swallowed my pride and asked one of the staff for help. In case it’s of use to any future GoodGym shopper, the steam-cooked chicken breasts are located with the rest of the cooked meats…