Last week’s poem about suspicious lemonade seemed to go down well. Which is good, because this week’s litter pick found even more stuff dumped in the bushes, including several bottles of hedgerow homebrew.

Jane was back with us for another run and looking forward to a delicious, uninterrupted weekend without Rich. Because it takes all sorts to build a world, he was looking forward to going home via a plant-based Whopper.

Robert went for his trademark jazzy shorts and socks again but it wasn’t warm, so David led us out and we warmed up on the run. Destination B&M, via a roundabout route to find Laurie and Sallyann who’d walked to the river. We sent Rich up the path to check if they were there and somehow resisted the temptation to hide before he came back.

So. Much. Litter. The usual piles of McDonalds, disposable vapes and energy drinks, but there were also some vintage finds tonight. Heidi and Joe had to go halves with litter pickers to grab a huge can of GOLD WHIP gas. It was empty but there were no empty balloons around, so maybe Chelmsford’s nitrous lovers take their laughing gas straight from the can?

That wasn’t enough of a find for Andy, who came around the corner exclaiming “I’ve found a washing machine!” Bit big for a bin bag… Happily, it was only a bit of a washing machine, which had clearly been there a while judging by the amount of ivy that tied it to a tree. With some delicate kicking and Andy yanking the other end, it was freed and bagged.

We’d only managed to clear a short stretch of the car park by the time we had to leave. Everyone agreed it was the most litter we’d ever found in a pick (we ran out of bags!) and thankfully, the two dumped shopping baskets we found became bins for the heavier stuff.

Five bags and five-and-a-bit kms later, job done. Thanks everyone for coming, and see you on Saturday for parkrun. Apparently it’s Chelmsford’s birthday, so try fancy dress!

Joe Wilkinson once went viral for a hilarious poem about visiting a train station toilet. So here’s one about what happens when you discover someone couldn’t reach it quickly enough. Maybe this will get us more members?

There once was a bottle of “juice” With a lid that looked pretty loose The contents? Suspicious… And far from delicious So into the bin it went to minimise ooze.

A short lesson there on why it pays to be careful what – and where – you litter pick. Bad weather and busy members meant there were only two of us signed up at the start of the week, but a dry(ish) day and the chance to be a third wheel for Rich and Andy’s post-run burger date meant there were six of us turned out ready for litter picking.

Robert was back after finishing the Vitality 10k in London last weekend and using this as an extended cooldown. Joe was thinking the other way and had prepped for the evening by giving blood. “Time off work, a lie down and free crisps and squash – it’s a miracle more people don’t do it!”

Once we’d waved Leanne off on her walk to the task, the rest of us followed Rich, who was run leading. And immediately ran off away from where we were headed. It seemed weird at first, but a longer first run means a casual jog home, which Jess and Joe later agreed is the best approach.

It was a hit and miss night for Wombling in the viaduct car parks – some areas were pretty spotless, others filled with cigarette butts, broken glass and a bottle of something that might have come out of a human but definitely wasn’t Pennine Valley clear spring water.

The theatre’s been revamped recently but it was all just fields around there when Andy was growing up, so we listened to his memories of Geoff Hurst in Chelmsford and loved him recreating the famous pose. We loved it even more when he found out the statue we were under was actually of Marconi. Sometimes Andy, the truth Hursts.

A short run back (see, it pays to run long and early!) and we were back at base. Headtorches and hi-viz from next week on – or see you on Saturday morning if you’re coming to parkrun. 😊

Joe