Crash, wallop, boom! Skidding around in cars, apprehending shady characters on street corners, jumping out of aeroplanes with no parachutes! Are you ready for the adrenaline trip of a lifetime; the literary equivalent of Tolstoy on acid? I hope to flippin’ God you are, because I’ve just completed my first mission, and it was Mission: Possible.

Akin to all great spy novels, I met my accomplices at the espionage nondescript location of choice, Lewisham DLR station. Marta, Portuguese femme fatale and ultimate good-deeder (make this good deed 194) and my genetic equivalent, twin brother Alex (he masks his fingerprints with gardening gloves).

I bet you’re damn excited reading this, aren’t you, dear reader. Well, I shall keep you in the dark no longer. We were tasked with the following top-secret mission: strimming, cutting, and tidying up Mrs K’s garden. And with the mission instructions safely exploded, we set off to Mrs K’s armed with good intentions and a rucksack full of Ian Fleming novels.

We arrived at the wonderful Mrs K’s to platefuls of sandwiches which had been lovingly prepared to help fuel us throughout our mission. And with the promise of food in our minds (and in our bellies), we commenced the mission, with each of us targeting a different part of the garden. Marta began by cutting back overhanging hedges, whilst Alex and I started to de-weed the garden patio. And with that done, we rotated throughout the garden; Alex looked particularly fetching with a pair of garden pliers, Marta showed us rookies how to mission, and I watered a fig plant.

Without carré-ing on for too long, we finished by taking the 4 bin bags of garden waste out to the front of Mrs K’s for collection. However, not before taking in a Turkish coffee with the lovely Mrs K before heading out into the great beyond and onto the next mission and good deed.

GoodGymmers Marta, Alex, and Steve will return in…