Offering some pharm-assistance during lockdown

Today, I completed my first mission during lockdown.

Naturally, I was in a state of mental frenzy. After being cooped up in my private chemistry laboratory all night, making large volumes of hand sanitiser gel and tweaking the air lock on my hazmat suit, I was a mess of sleepy eyes and wanton cries. As the Sun rose up and lighted the land, I had a thought that I may have over-cooked my preparations, forgetting the key, important values of GoodGym missions: to help those in need.

Alas, the hours had been lost and without deliberating much on these doubting thoughts, I put on my hazmat suit and loaded hand sanitiser gel into a super-soaker 4000.

I braved the outside at 10am.

I ran as fast as I could. Many stopped to stare and take pictures of me on their phones. I wonder what they were looking at. Didn’t they realise I had been up all night doing this just for them? Didn’t they know that I was a model citizen of unrelenting societal servitude?

The day was heating up and the tarmac felt like it was melting beneath my feet. It was at this point that I damned myself for my foolish choices. The hazmat suit was not suited to the balmy climates of London in April.

Dear Reader, if you are reading this whilst tending to your hazmat suit and thinking it will suit the weathers of now, please think again. From my experiences this morning, I have some succinct, bespoke, and novel advice which can only be garnered from lived experience: don’t do it.

I ran all the way from Greenwich to Blackheath. And once there, I stopped at a Sainsbury’s and queued to get in. Once again, many stopped to stare and take my photo, and a child cruelly laughed at me from a distance of 2m. I wanted to chide these thoughtless people, but I was too busy gunning down my hazmat suit with my super soaker.

Once inside, I headed toward the pharmacy for I had been given strict instructions to pick up Ms M’s prescription as she is currently self-isolating for 12 weeks. I duly collected the medication and headed out of the store. At this point, the stares were becoming unmanageable and I stopped and exclaimed with all my might: ‘I’m just a man, standing in front of a Sainsbury’s, asking them to wash their hands very thoroughly!’

Alas, they couldn’t hear me due to the thickness of my hazmat suit helmet.

I quickly left Sainsbury’s under the dirty shade of shopper-scrutiny and dashed to Ms M’s house to deliver her prescription.

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At this point, I’m going to break prose and continue with an accurate account of what followed. I successfully located Ms M’s house and rung the doorbell. Ms M answered with a fantastic smile and thanks for delivering her prescription whilst she was unable to leave the house during lockdown.

It was a genuine pleasure to speak to Ms M, from an appropriate distance of 2m, and reminded me of the need for social conversation and connection. This is what GoodGym is all about, after all. And this is perhaps more pertinent now than it ever has been. If you’re a fellow GoodGymmer or just an interested reader, then I thoroughly recommend undertaking the GoodGym mission training and signing up for a mission. Not only does it help someone in need at a time when many need help, but it also fosters social connection, again at a time when we all need this the most.

To prevent a further onslaught of hazmat-suit-insanity, I’m going to wrap this mission report up here. I’m certainly looking forward to the next mission in the near future.

In fact, I’m going to see if I can sign up for one right now…